How to Say No to Anyone (Even a Good Friend)

How to Say No to Anyone (Even a Good Friend)How to Say No to Anyone (Even a Good Friend)It welches the kind of email that makes your shoulders clench up tight, right by your ears.A friend- not a super-close one, but one I respected and admired- wanted my help with a writing project. Her deadline was seven days away. She just needed a few hours of my time. She was even willing to pay me. Would I help?I took a deep breath, glanced at my calendar, and chewed it over.Hmmm. I could probably squeeze this little project into my week if I juggled a few things around, woke up earlier, stayed up later, or carved out some time on a Saturday or Sunday.But even just thinking about it, I was already feeling bitter and resentful.The truth was, I simply didnt want to do it.The project didnt excite me. The money didnt make it any more appealing. I would rather have those hours to myself to work on my other projects. Or just cuddle with my sweetheart.There was no compelling reason why I ought to say y es to her request- other than just to be nice and help out a friend. And while I do love being a nice, helpful friend, sometimes, the answer is not this time.It was slightly awkward, but I made my decision.I was ready to craft a response and say no.And let me tell you, its a funny thing- even as a professional writer and communications strategist who makes a living advising people on what to say and how to say it- saying no to a friend is still a tricky scenario. Especially when youre nervous about damaging the relationship.What I do know, though, is that saying no gets easier with practice and repetition. And having the right script- a starting point, so youre not starting at a blank screen- can make all the difference. Heres a universal script that works for just about any scenarioHey name,Thanks for your note.Im so proud of you for ___- and Im flattered that youd like to bring my brain into the mix.I need to say no, because ___.But I would love to support you in a different way.O ffer an alternative form of support hereThank you for being such a wonderful ___. I am honored to be parte of your world.A few closing words of encouragement, if youd likeYour name hereFor exampleHey Angela,Thanks for your note.Im so proud of you for deciding to apply for that small business owner award- and Im flattered that youd like to bring my brain into the mix.I need to say no, because my week is already quite full- and I know it wouldnt be sane (or humane) for me to add anything new to my plate.But I would love to support you in a different way.Ive attached a couple of worksheets that I created for a recent writing workshop- including a couple of templates that will help you to craft a bio, a manifesto, and a few other pieces for your application.Thank you for being such a wonderful friend and colleague. I am honored to be part of your world.Good luck with the contest I know youre going to do a terrific job. AlexHere are three points to remember when youre using this particul ar script- or something similar- to say no to a friend.Say it FastDont keep your friend hanging for days or weeks, hoping shell forget about it. She wont.Explain Why- BrieflyDepending on the nature of your relationship, you may want to explain why youre saying no. But dont over-explain or give your entire life story. Thats not necessary.In the example above, I mentioned that I have a particularly busy week. Period. In some instances, no explanation is required. But for close friends, it can often be a nice touch. If youre concise and honest, friends will (almost) always understand.Propose Something ElseThe key to crafting a gentle no is to include an alternative form of support. Think a link to a helpful blog post, a resource, a worksheet, a few quick tips, or a referral or personal introduction to someone who might be able to help. This alternative should obviously be something that you are willing to give (or do)- because it is easier, less complicated, or less time-consuming, it doesnt cost money, or it just feels good for you to offer. Not something that takes more of your time.The late Steve Jobs once said Focus is about saying no.Aint that the truth. Dont over-clutter your calendar with commitments that derail your focus, pulling you away from the work that you truly want to do.Its not good for your career. Its not good for your soul.And if someone gets furious because of your sane, reasonable, elegantly articulated no? Well, he or she was probably never your true friend to begin with.Good thing you know.So that now, you can say yes to a friendship with somebody else.Photo of thumbs down courtesy of Shutterstock.